By B. Garcia

Europe is an interesting place full of wonder and excitement, almost magical in a sense, admiring European sensibilities and subtleties is a job in itself but I’m not here to talk about the fucking Louvre in Paris, I’m talking breasts people and Europe has a lot of them.

I was down in Frankfurt Germany over the weekend trying to get myself in some kind of trouble and have a good time. I hitched a ride from a buddy of mine to the neighboring city of Darmstadt. He had just found out his lady has got a bun in the oven, so on the way over there it was non-stop bitching.

My buddy has a sports car so we were going on the autobahn at an average of 200 kilometers an hour (that’s 120 miles an hour for you freedom fry mother fuckers) anyway, speeding over there he dropped me off at the local train station where I got my quick twenty minute ride to pure bliss, Frankfurt Central.

A five minute walk out of the train station and one ends up in the red-light district. There are women and doormen trying to get you to go inside these establishments by offering you the best breasts and vajayjays in the land. I settled in a hostel first before I got myself in some funny business.

I always feel better knowing I could sleep on a bed than in some gutter spooning with a homeless guy that uses cardboard for blankets sticking random objects in my ass. For some reason, I always feel homeless people just want to rape me.

Or it could be some unlived fantasy??? hmm…

Anyway, after settling in …oh wait let me set the record straight… In Germany there are no juke boxes people, NONE. It kills me knowing I can’t pick a song at a bar to relax to while swallowing down a beer. But my friends there is hope, men’s clubs occasionally have juke boxes so of course what better excuse to go to one than that, right?

So starting off, I found one establishment that has a juke box. I started playing some music and drinking my beer when one of the more weathered harlots decides to start a stimulating conversation by offering me her services.

I told her I’d like to get to know her first. This lady turns out to be Serbian, she reminded me of that chick in the first Austin Powers movie where she says “YOU’RE HAIRY LIKE ANIMAL!”

But was about 50 years older.

So anyway escorts here want you to buy them 20 euro drinks, which comes out to about 30 of my hard earned dollars, before you start any fornicating. I’m just there for beer, but her story was good enough I had to buy the little lady a drink.

She told me about when she was in Japan and was taken by 9 little Japanese men. Ha. She had too many stories to mention and I’m too lazy to write ‘em.

I don’t know if you all know this but human trafficking is a serious issue, gangs all over the world control this market and this market is always in high demand. Women from Russia are sent to Japan and the Middle East to let these men get their white woman fix.

So long story short and bleeding heart aside these ladies get around. I myself have slept with several escorts while in Asia, but it became a morality issue for me over time, it’s a market that will never go away and sometimes is even necessary. I promised myself I would never sleep with another one ever again out of respect for my penis and these hard working women. I’m just grateful I never caught anything.